Two years ago today....I
posted my very first
blog entry!
When I came to the world
of blogging....it was with great excitement and anticipation for a future, I
expected would be filled with wonderful surprises for my family and those I held
dear. I looked forward to meeting so
many wonderful people and...I anticipated spending more time with the man I
married; looking back at all we had overcome and celebrating the rewards of our
hard work. And so....as I prepared to
leave for my Compostella de Camino de Santiago in Spain, I started my blog to
share my journey with my family and friends. One person I gave a lot of credit to, was my
husband; my “soul mate”.
At that time...I
believed he deserved it. Of course, had
I been privy to the secret he was holding onto....I may not have given him as much
credit, especially considering what transpired while I was away. What he knew, but I didn’t, was...upon my
return (within 21 days) he would be walking out on our children and me. The
signs are always there, we simply choose how we wish to interpret them rather
than accepting them for what they are. Someday I may elaborate on this further but
for now.....
I don’t have to like what
he did or his timing. I do know I didn’t
want to fight him. If after 23 years he
didn’t feel our family held any value or importance to him...what could I
possibly do or say? I understand things
change; so I chose to accept this was “one of those things”. What I wouldn’t stand for was him abandoning
his responsibilities; especially when I knew/know he has the means to meet them.
Foolishly, I thought, there was still some decency in him and hat he would be fair and just as we separated. I’ve only ever asked him to keep his word and
do what was right. It has taken legal
actions and court orders to re-iterate what he and I always knew to be
fair. Sadly, justice has still not
prevailed; leaving the children and me at a grave disadvantage.
This whole experience
has been an incredible eye opener for me on SO MANY levels. My savings has been depleted. I can never recover the loss to my pension
fund. I’m not receiving support payments
as court ordered, even though I’ve assumed all the financial responsibilities for our children, our home and myself. My
situation is quite gloomy but....I refuse to admit defeat. I don’t know what more I can do, or where to go and so....for now, I’m
going on a “vacation” of sorts.
You know when you come
home from a holiday you usually get to reflect on your trip; you talk about it,
share it and maybe even look at a photo or two.....well when I returned from
Spain I never had that chance. So, over
the next few weeks, to bring balance to my life...this is the “vacation” I
taking. I am going to take time to
reflect on my Camino. I’m going to read
both my blog and my journal entries from my pilgrimage; and I’m even going to
look at photos. As I do so, it will be
my intent to ‘relive’ my experience from a different perspective and share this
with you on my blog.
Life is good! Even when it seems as if the weight of the
world is heavy on our shoulders, we can still choose to set it aside, rest, breathe
and reflect.
In one of my entries, I
wondered....why do we feel we need to go away to find our centre in our lives? Well, for the next 21 days....I will explore
this more deeply. Because I’m doing this
from home...I’m excited to watch how my “Camino” this summer is both similar
and different than that of the one I took in 2012.
When you’re on the
Camino people often ask why are doing the Camino. In 2012, my reason was, "Because I wanted to". Perhaps it was because I needed to ~ even if I didn’t realize it at the time. However, if I were asked why I am doing this
Camino, my answer would be “To remember, to never forget, Who I am to
be Brilliant.”
I am also going to add an
intention to this journey. I’ve been
invited, to attend a very special retreat with some amazingly brilliant people
this fall, being held in Scottsdale Az. Over
the past two years, I’ve had to pass on similar invitations that would have
taken me to Greece and Hawaii.
Repeatedly, I’ve been shown I always get exactly what I need, when I need it, but I don’t always get what I want. I believe attending this retreat is a need,
but maybe I’m not reading the signs right?
As I close, I invite you
to join me on my Camino. Perhaps you
will make your own inner pilgrimage? As
they say along the Way of St James....Bon Camino!
In kindness; and always
with love....Carleana
Welcome to my blog! Click on this link to read: http://carleana-csc.blogspot.ca/2012/07/welcome-to-my-blog.html
Who am I to be Brilliant?
Click on this link to read: http://carleana-csc.blogspot.ca/2012/08/our-deepest-fearwho-am-i-to-be-brilliant.html
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