Pythagoras asks that we not let a friend
go lightly, for whatever reason.
Instead, we should stay with a friend as long as we can, until we’re
compelled to abandon him completely against our will. It’s a serious thing to toss away money, but
to cast aside a person is even more serious.
Nothing in human life is more rarely found, nothing more dearly
possessed. No loss is more chilling or
more dangerous than that of a friend.
As many of you know, in my personal life, I am on a journey that
is winding down a relationship with a person I cherish. In a moment of raw emotion I told this person
he was dead to me. As raw and as real as
that feeling was the moment I blurted it out without expectation….it remains
true for me today. Time, months, has
passed since I utter those words. What
is interesting, is what I’ve come to learn and understand those words to mean
to me.
Some have judged me by saying I was wrong to say them,
especially in front of our children.
Some have boldly stated I was cold to hurt my friend in that way. Others have shared their surprise I could be
so ‘cruel’; but…they are not me, nor were they there to witness the situation
or what led up to it. The painful truth
is, those words were true when I spoke them and…they are still true to me right
now; and for the same reasons. I will
not defend or explain myself, but I will share this. The friend I cherished and honoured; who I shared all my hopes and dreams with…he is
gone. His body remains but the part of
him joined to me, that I trusted, honoured, believed in….that person is
gone, because of the things he says and
does (or
doesn’t say or do). I suspect from his perspective, the part of me joined to him –
is gone for him as well.
I was introduced to the book “Soul Mates” (by Thomas Moore) and
read this quote by Pythagoras’ which resonated with me on a very deep level. Years ago, my friend and I watched the movie
Titanic. In true Hollywood fashion,
they took a tragic event and romanced it ~ I’ve no judgement on that, but for
me what touched me so deeply in that movie was what I suspect many couples face
in similar situations. In fact, it
inspired a conversation between my friend and me. If we ever found ourselves in a position
where we’d die together and leave our children alone or one of us would die
while the other could live on with our children….we agreed we’d let the other
go so our children would not lose us both.
Without getting into all the details, for me, we have metaphorically
come to such a time; thus I suppose is why I unexpectedly and without fore
thought, at that moment said, “…You are dead to me…”
I was losing myself while trying to hold on to my friend, and a
relationship I still honoured and believed to be enchanting. So, at that moment my soul knew (I felt) “compelled to abandon him” against my
will. It was for my survival and that of
my children that I had to let go of my
illusions and my hopes that we
could be respectful or compassionate toward each other…at this time.
My soul needed for me to accept the death of the relationship I
cherished and revered so much. Holding
on to the expectation that we could somehow rescue our relationship or our
family was suffocating me and in turned torturing our children. I suppose those raw feelings at that moment
and my instinct to survive took over and thus blurted out “….you are dead to me; if my husband saw what
you were doing to his wife and children…”
At that moment….I was in shock…I was numb.
I suppose that is why Pythagoras’ words “but to cast aside a person is even more serious” and “No loss is more chilling or more dangerous
than that of a friend” resonates with me so deeply.
Sometimes when our soul speaks to us, we choose not to
listen. This friend’s memory, like so
many other people, animals, and experiences…will always be a part of whom I am;
and who I will become. But for now, as
we are today, what we had has died. I
will mourn that loss, but I will not choose to ignore the gifts life still has
to offer me and our children.
Living in mindfulness and living a life with purpose…makes the
transition during this loss easier for me.
I don’t want to blame or get even.
Those behaviours are energy suckers; they are judgemental and don’t help
me or my children; nor do they help my family who is also suffering a great
loss. For my friends and colleagues who
care for me deeply, and who continue to be wonderful supports for my children
and myself, I would be dishonouring them too if I were to focus my time
clinging to the past.
As I continue to move forward on my life’s path, while it will
not be without pain; it will be intended to be without regret. I will continually do my best to be mindful
of my choices; to ensure profound decisions are still made in consultation with
my heart. Sometimes I’ll pause in order
to rejuvenate; other times I’ll glance back at my wake to check in with myself;
but most always I will live through my soul.
In so doing, not only do I live my life with purpose and in mindfulness,
but I also create a life for me and those I share it with, that is spirited; open
to acceptance, forgiveness, unconditional love and in an energy that invites
playfulness, exploration and peace.
In all that I am and as I see in you….Namaste
