Reflection.....

Ok, so I've written many blog entries but not posted them ~ for a variety of reasons.  Today I decided to post this one.

 

It’s Sunday morning, December 8, 2013; and I find myself reflecting on me and my life.  At first I thought, I wasn’t reflecting on anything specific.  After all, my house is a mess.  My yard is in desperate need of some TLC.  My children are still sleeping and...chaos is all around me.  And yet....I feel serenity.  How strange is this?

So here is my reality; and perhaps why in all my chaos, I find a sense of stillness.

Two years ago, I was so excited about my future.  My children were almost finished secondary school and planning their post secondary school futures; university or college?  My husband wasn’t completely happy with his current career situation but, was hopeful things would soon be changing.  After 20 years with public service, and several years of contemplation and planning, I was counting down the days till my buyout (retiring).  A few years earlier than anticipated, but in the New Year, I would be beginning a new career, with my passion work.  In 2013 my husband and I would be celebrating our 50^th birthday and our 25^th wedding anniversary.  The dream destinations were Bora Bora and/or an Alaskan cruise.  Life couldn’t get much better than that.  Finally all our hard work would be paying off and our lives would be changing.

2012 started as any new year often did.  Messy house, sleeping in and amazing hopes for the year ahead.  You know how you feel when, something just ain’t right but you can’t put your finger on it so....you dismiss it?  Well...so many changes were happening.  I cannot say this enough or explain it, but when you tell the universe your hopes and dreams, and then put yourself out there....be ready for the ride of your life!  I couldn’t keep up with momentum and rather than trying to control it....I chose to keep my vision clear and trust!  Trust in myself.  Trust in my vision; and....trust in those who were closest to me.

My 2012 training and experiential learning plans were in place.  It was six months since I left public service and....something felt wrong; but I didn’t understand it.  I know when things become too good to be true, I have tendency to self sabotage.  Maybe you do that too?  You say to yourself, “Ok. Things are going too good.  Something bad is going to happen.”  Because I was finally feeling excited in my life again, I didn’t want to believe something ‘bad’ was going to happen.  Plus, I know...when you put it out there...often we bring it on ourselves.  I couldn’t ignore it any more so...I checked in with those closest to me.  “All is ok” was the response I got back.  I believe in their words, but I had no idea what the next eight weeks had in store for me or how my life would change so profoundly.

It was eight months to the day, since I left my job – with my husband’s support and encouragement, it was my choice.  But now, at 50 years old, my hopes and dreams were being shattered and falling into chards all around me.  I found myself alone and lost without the one I came to believe was my best friend.  I was unemployed, uneducated, unaware, and unprepared.  I now found myself a single mother of three teenage daughters whose lives, as they had always known it, would also be changed forever.  It was as if we had been living is a glass snow globe and someone thought, “Hmmm” as they grabbed our world, turned it upside down, gave it a great shake, put it down again and walked away.  Only for us, it wasn’t beautiful snowflakes that dotted our world.  It felt more like a home invasion; and fire – if you’ve ever lived that experience, you’ll understand the metaphor. 

At first you’re in disbelief.  You’re stunned and you think... “man I wish I could just wake up”.  Then you think, well...if I can just... fill in the blank... stop throwing up, get some sleep, assure my children, or you think, well maybe this...again fill in the blank...will pass or is a good thing or....  Then reality sits in.  We’re two reasonable and responsible adults surely we can.... fill in the blank.  Then, another reality sets in and days turn to weeks, then into months and....your life is sinking faster and faster into the obis.  A lone, the world balance seems to be relying on you. 

Another eight months of your life has past by and you’re life preservers are water logged.  You think you see land ahead but you’re not sure.  The choice you face now is do you hang on to these weakening securities and hope to reach land or....do you let go of them and try to make it to land?  First you must remember....you’ve got three other people relying on you and your choices and second...you don’t even know if what you see in the distance is actually land.  The last thought you have is... “I know what I’m doing isn’t good and staying here means certain failure for all of us, so...at least if I make an attempted, we’ve got a chance.”  A lone....unsure of what might lie ahead and between where you are and where you’ll end up, you make a decision that will impact your life and all those around you, beyond anything you could have imaged.

My journey has been very interesting.  My world has been opened in so many ways, as I live these experiences.  My passion work is about helping people rediscover their own value, worth, purpose, magic, trust and love.  The idea was to show people no matter what life experience you’ve had; you can live life with peace, love, forgiveness and passion.  I thought with all I had been through in my life, I had a lot to offer.  Well, let’s just say....I’m in the process of rediscovering myself.  I lived the 25 years of my life on my own and developed coping skills that worked very well for me.  With a few ‘cross over years’, I lived the next 25 years of my life with a man who became my best friend (or so I thought), my husband and the father of my children. 

On that journey, my copying skill set grew exponentially.  I had no idea what was involved with living with a ‘partner’.  What I thought and what it was....night and day different.  I guess I thought there would be more mutual compromises when there were disagreements or differences.  And I thought both people would be happy for the other when good things happen to each individual.  I didn’t imaging married life would be two individuals sharing living quarters and competing with each other.  That living arrangement, I imaged would be similar to roommates or dorm life; and the like.  I was so excited when I became a mom.  Scared sh.tless, but so excited.  I thought my excitement would have been shared, as well and the parenting journey.  Clearly, another core value difference between me and my ‘partner’.  However, as I mentioned....all along this journey, what I didn’t realize was what I would learned about me. 

Who is Carleana?  What are her core values?  Where does she turn in her time of growth/need? Why does Carleana do what she does?  How does she find the courage and strength to live her life?  When does she make the choices she does? 

While there are specific answers to these questions, the truth is...there is always room for change; as required.  I will offer this insight to you as well.  99.9% of all I do is based on the relationship I have with my heart and soul.  I chose the battles I’ll engage in carefully; “Is this the mountain I want to die on?”  If I choose to ‘take up arms’ I do so after lots of contemplation; in the spirit of justice and compassion.   In my previous entries and in those to come...you too will discover your own answers to these questions and/or perspectives about me.

Anyway, I chose risk; to let go of the soggy life preserver, eight months after the storm hit my family.  I felt, I had nothing more to lose by letting go of the sinking device.  The unknown allowed me to believe, there were many more potential positives by taking the risk.  And let’s face it....if nothing else....I would be free.  Freedom always comes with great costs but being a slave, in my opinion, costs far more.  In more ways than one, I am still paying the price of $wimming to shore.  At least now, I’m able to make more choices for myself and my children without having to ask for permission or always weighing the pros and cons.  My decision has greatly improved the atmosphere in our home.  One day we’re faced with decisions like going to the foodbank and/ or social services for aid and the next day, we’re in the presence of people like Jebb Bush or accepting an invitation to the House Commons from Hon Steven Harper.

I would like to take this opportunity to extend my heartfelt appreciation to all of my angels too.  In some cases only you know who you are, but I assure you the girls and I have received your gifts, cash, food, supplies, opportunities, etc; with thanks and humble hearts.  Thank you!!!!!

With all that has happen in my life over the past two years, the thing I am most excited about is....what I am rediscovering about myself.  Once again, I am rediscovering my ability to live in resilience and to forgive.  Both of these are gifts I give to me.  They have very little to do with those who throw my life into chaos but everything to do with how I chose to make order of it.  To heal, I choose to allow myself the opportunity to be angry and sad. 

It’s no different than when we allow ourselves to feel the pain of a broken bone or paper cut.  As soon as you feel that pain/hurt you are reminded of feeling and that you have choice.  We can choose to stay and live in that pain or we can chose to say “Wow...that sucks” and act by looking for away to move out of it.  We can choose negative responses such as, regret or retaliation, but in truth....we then choose to stay living in that pain; or...we can choose to feel the pain and do what we need to, to heal.  We wouldn’t stand on the broken leg or pour lemon juice in that paper cut, would we?  As long as we choose to heal; we, by default, give ourselves the gift of hope.  We empower ourselves by making choices that help us feel better.  With every single thing we do that helps us feel less pain...we inspire ourselves to choose health, choose life. 

I know...this is often easier said than done, but nothing worth having in life is every easy.  Cliché?  Perhaps, but...there is some truth in it.  Often when we have things given to us, we don’t really appreciate what it means to have them.  Don’t believe me?  Ask some who’s lost something special or lost someone they loved/cherished. 

For months, I’ve been living in and out of a state of mourning for what I thought I had lost.  Today as I find myself in a state of peaceful reflection, I’m discovering it’s not what I recently loss that I’ve been mourning, but rather what I had lost a long time ago; and that I’m rediscovering on this journey.  I’m reminded of Maya Angelou words, “Never allow someone to be your priority in your life, when you’re only an option in theirs.” 

As I move forward in my life, I will share my journey to self-rediscovery.  Hopefully, it will inspire others to have the courage to live their truth in kindness and respect.  I love quotes!!!!  Not only will I share them, but as I can, I will incorporate them in my life, especially with those who wish to walk close with me; in my heart and soul,.  I say:  “Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead.  Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow.  Just walk beside me and be my friend.” ~Albert Camus

Blessings of abundance, Carleana

As I close, I just wanted to say, thank you to each of you who have reached out to me many times and have asked me to start blogging again.  I invite you to visit ASOAB’s facebook page to see part of what I’ve been doing.

Welcome November

Wow.... I can't believe it's been four months since I've last posted a message.  As much as things have changed; nothing has changed!

My non-profit organization Artistically Speaking Out Against Bullying has planned several event during National Anti-Bullying Awareness week.  Visit our site to learn more and...perhaps join us at these events!

This month, I am embarking on a new journey.  Part of this experience, will include me blogging my experience.  I hope you'll join me.....

Till then...blessings to each of you!  ~Carleana

Happy 50th Birthday ~ Carleana





Celebrating my 49th



Just a very quick entry....to acknowledge and celebrate my 50^th!!!!!!

The photos I'm sharing with you, I took while I was in Paso Robles Ca June '12.  I spent almost two weeks away from home to study with Denise Linn and 18 other amazing people from around the world to become an Int’l Soul Coach®  I was part one of 19 people who formed the 49th group.  June 28/12 I turned 49 years old.  My life was changing and I knew it; I just had no idea how or how much. It's funny, since I was 18, I seem to find myself in California just before a major change occurs in my life.  Maybe its the surf, the sun, the people or just the energy connection at a very soulful level...but something there seems to prepare me for what's about to happen.



Mid-day Moon Jun 27-12

Mid-night Moon June 27-12





  Greeting the Sunrise: June 28, 2012





 Entering the Labyrinth with some amazing friends at Sunrise June 28, 2012 

 

In a very brief nutshell....I spent the first 25 years of my life single.  I spent the last 25 years of my life with one person.  And the next 25 years+....well, I don't know what is in store but I will say - I am looking forward to them with excitement and anticipation. 

My last entry garnered a lot of feedback.  I am pleased to say most all of it positive, with a lot of heartfelt sentiment and expressions of appreciation.  I prepared an entry to follow up my last post but, I was completely astounded by the feedback from one particular follower; so I chose to take what I thought would be a short break.  OMgoodness ~ Days turned into weeks, that turned into months; and then there is the energy technology has of its own; or should I say time line.  Often when I get frustrated with the negative interference of technology I force myself (or find myself) saying...maybe the time isn’t right for you to share your message.  

 

Well, it appears the tide has changed.

 

Most of my time (over the past 10 months) seems to have been spent fighting fires; with short stints of glowing ambers or smoldering ashes.  Not all the flare ups have been unfavourable though.  My second baby graduated.  Her Commencement was beautiful and she was stunningly dressed for her prom!  One more year of secondary school and then....three precious angels will be off to post secondary.  My life has most definitely started in a very new direction as I enter my sixth decade and a new half century.

 

Once I’ve completed a few remaining outstanding responsibilities....I look forward to posting some of the entries I’ve prepared as well and creating new ones! 

 

As I close, below are a few more of my favourite images from my time in California.  This is my first attempt to include photos.....  Hope you enjoy!!!!

 

Blessings, Carleana

 

 

 San Luis Obispo was where I arrived and stayed a couple days before and after my an Int’l Soul Coaching® training.

I stayed at the Apple Farm Inn:

 

 

 

 

I walked down to the Mission San Luis de Tolosa:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Visited Bubble Gum Alley; and yes....the walls are covered with chewed bubble gum.  Some just stuck on the alley wall and there were some amazing works of art done with the gum and some other objects:

 

Photo from Summerhill Ranch, during my Soul Coaching® training: 

 

  

My room                                         Typical table setting

 

Whispering Wind                             Giai Goddess - 400 year old oak - outside my room

 

 

The dance barn                                       The Sanctuary

 

 

   

 Examples of Alters I created

 

 

 Looking down the valley           Abundance alter @ Labyrinth        June 28, 2012 Sunrise

into Summerhill Ranch

"...No loss is more chilling or more dangerous than that of a friend..."

Pythagoras asks that we not let a friend go lightly, for whatever reason.  Instead, we should stay with a friend as long as we can, until we’re compelled to abandon him completely against our will.  It’s a serious thing to toss away money, but to cast aside a person is even more serious.  Nothing in human life is more rarely found, nothing more dearly possessed.  No loss is more chilling or more dangerous than that of a friend.

As many of you know, in my personal life, I am on a journey that is winding down a relationship with a person I cherish.  In a moment of raw emotion I told this person he was dead to me.  As raw and as real as that feeling was the moment I blurted it out without expectation….it remains true for me today.  Time, months, has passed since I utter those words.  What is interesting, is what I’ve come to learn and understand those words to mean to me.  

Some have judged me by saying I was wrong to say them, especially in front of our children.  Some have boldly stated I was cold to hurt my friend in that way.  Others have shared their surprise I could be so ‘cruel’; but…they are not me, nor were they there to witness the situation or what led up to it.  The painful truth is, those words were true when I spoke them and…they are still true to me right now; and for the same reasons.  I will not defend or explain myself, but I will share this.  The friend I cherished and honoured; who I shared all my hopes and dreams with…he is gone.  His body remains but the part of him joined to me, that I trusted, honoured, believed in….that person is gone, because of the things he says and does (or doesn’t say or do).  I suspect from his perspective, the part of me joined to him – is gone for him as well. 

I was introduced to the book “Soul Mates” (by Thomas Moore) and read this quote by Pythagoras’ which resonated with me on a very deep level.  Years ago, my friend and I watched the movie Titanic.  In true Hollywood fashion, they took a tragic event and romanced it ~ I’ve no judgement on that, but for me what touched me so deeply in that movie was what I suspect many couples face in similar situations.  In fact, it inspired a conversation between my friend and me.  If we ever found ourselves in a position where we’d die together and leave our children alone or one of us would die while the other could live on with our children….we agreed we’d let the other go so our children would not lose us both.  Without getting into all the details, for me, we have metaphorically come to such a time; thus I suppose is why I unexpectedly and without fore thought, at that moment said, “…You are dead to me…”

I was losing myself while trying to hold on to my friend, and a relationship I still honoured and believed to be enchanting.  So, at that moment my soul knew (I felt) “compelled to abandon him” against my will.  It was for my survival and that of my children that I had to let go of my illusions and my hopes that we could be respectful or compassionate toward each other…at this time. 

My soul needed for me to accept the death of the relationship I cherished and revered so much.  Holding on to the expectation that we could somehow rescue our relationship or our family was suffocating me and in turned torturing our children.  I suppose those raw feelings at that moment and my instinct to survive took over and thus blurted out “….you are dead to me; if my husband saw what you were doing to his wife and children…”  At that moment….I was in shock…I was numb.

I suppose that is why Pythagoras’ words “but to cast aside a person is even more serious” and “No loss is more chilling or more dangerous than that of a friend” resonates with me so deeply. 

Sometimes when our soul speaks to us, we choose not to listen.  This friend’s memory, like so many other people, animals, and experiences…will always be a part of whom I am; and who I will become.  But for now, as we are today, what we had has died.  I will mourn that loss, but I will not choose to ignore the gifts life still has to offer me and our children. 

Living in mindfulness and living a life with purpose…makes the transition during this loss easier for me.  I don’t want to blame or get even.  Those behaviours are energy suckers; they are judgemental and don’t help me or my children; nor do they help my family who is also suffering a great loss.  For my friends and colleagues who care for me deeply, and who continue to be wonderful supports for my children and myself, I would be dishonouring them too if I were to focus my time clinging to the past. 

As I continue to move forward on my life’s path, while it will not be without pain; it will be intended to be without regret.  I will continually do my best to be mindful of my choices; to ensure profound decisions are still made in consultation with my heart.  Sometimes I’ll pause in order to rejuvenate; other times I’ll glance back at my wake to check in with myself; but most always I will live through my soul.  In so doing, not only do I live my life with purpose and in mindfulness, but I also create a life for me and those I share it with, that is spirited; open to acceptance, forgiveness, unconditional love and in an energy that invites playfulness, exploration and peace. 

In all that I am and as I see in you….Namaste

Happy New Year 2013 ~ Help

That’s it!!!!!

Happy New Year everyone!  Phew...2012 is history and 2013 is present; a gift!

Aha moments...they come at the funniest of times, don’t they?!  But when they come...do we always recognize them?  Do we stop to really contemplate them or do we simply say, “hmm interesting” and dismiss them?

During one of my regular morning activities, and as I was reflecting on 2012 – looking into what 2013 might bring, I could almost see the glow of the light bulb that had suddenly illuminated intensely above my head.

HELP ~ asking for, accepting and/or giving ~ Help!

Every experience we go through is a learning opportunity.  The more challenging the journey seems; the greater the growth will be. And the truth is...sometimes – whether we are giving or receiving; the act of help is essential.

Definition of help:

1.      To give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need; contribute strength or means to; render assistance to; cooperate effectively

                  2.      To save; rescue; succor: as in Help me, I’m falling
                  3.      To make easier or less difficult; contribute to; facilitate
                  4.      To be useful or profitable to
                  5.      To refrain from; avoid (usually preceded by can or cannot)

Don’t just ‘skim’ this definition...read it.  Look at the words and consider their meanings.  Help is not about pushing your agenda or forcing a reaction but being gentle, providing aid or recognizing when you can’t.

Lovingly and very respectfully, I say I grew up in a functionally, dysfunctional family like so many others.  My childhood was a montage of excitement and disappointment.  At 15 I was raped; but that’s a story for another day.  The point is, in surviving the rape – I learned a lot about myself and others.  The two main things I learned and have carried with me for many years are these: First, I’m a survivor.  Second, the only person I can ever count on is...me.  

This may sound harsh, detached and cynical but they are lessons I’ve come to find comfort in.  These attributes have become my strengths on many levels of my life’s journey.  A small example of how I implement them; do you ever become so nervous about something that you self sabotage and/or lose out on an opportunity?  When I find myself in that situation...I can pull from my ‘survivor’ and ‘count on me’ skills to get myself through the nervousness so I can experience the opportunity that awaits me.  These skills...have seen my zip line, cross bridges, meet new people, speak to people, return to school, face my rapist, walk 111km across Spain, fall in love, become a mother and grow every day of my life.  Over the years, I have changed how I use these skills but...they are ingrained in every cell of who I am and how I interact with others.   They give me courage and continue to inspire me to move forward confidently and compassionately.

As many of you know, 2012 was a HUGE year for me with MANY changes.  What is so interesting is...that while I am alone now, my life purpose seems larger and clearer.  I’ve spent months wondering ‘how will I get through this’, ‘what am I going to do’, and I start to worry and become scared.  The truth is....I have no idea what lies ahead but I do know, I don’t have to do this alone.  I’ve so many compassionate people in my life, on so many levels; people who lovingly share their strengths with others and without condition or an expectation of ‘you owe me’.  It truly is a “pay it forward” life style they strive to live; which compliments me; my hopes, my dreams, my ideals, philosophy....my life and life style.

Every day, I receive a message in some form or another from a least one person that is powerful, yet simple; such as, “Thinking of you.”  By them sending such a simple message, they are helping me get through that moment.  By receiving and accepting their message I am inspired to look forward, keep my faith, keep my hope, and maintain my courage to stand confident in my truth. 

Asking for and accepting help is not a weakness but rather a strength.  We do it every day and most often don’t recognize it.  When we ask the person across the table, ‘pass me the pepper, please’, we’ve asked for help.  When someone steps aside to allow us in, we’ve accepted help.  When we’re lost and we need direction...we need help getting our bearing back and that’s ok.  Sometimes what ‘survivors’ and ‘count on me’ people need to notice is...when the impact is goes beyond ‘me’, asking for and accepting help is an even more beautiful gift.  If we are the one’s offering help....it is VERY important that we first ask ‘may I help you’, ‘how may I help’.  You may find that you can’t help or that’s not how you want to help.  Recognizing that and then choosing not to help may be the best help you can give.

For me, on many levels, Help will be my joie de vivre in 2013.

Wishing 2013 gently showers you with abundant gifts of love, health, peace and.... help!

Love and laughter... Carleana

Another world ending ~ survived....

Phew....well this was my fourth (or fifth) “end of the world” prediction and I’ve survived. 

As I reflect on previous ‘end of the world’ promises...my memory reminds me how I felt during some of these events.  I was quite young when I remember the first ‘end of the world’ scare.  I remember feeling afraid.  I think I was about 8 then.  I remember adults talking about it.  I don’t remember the details of their conversations but I do remember the feeling of worry.   The next one I remember, I was in my mid to late teens ~ a very troubling time for me.  I remember skipping up and down the middle of the road, hoping not to be “missed” this time.  I didn’t want to be a survivor.  I didn’t care where I went; I just knew I didn’t want to be here anymore.  This time, I’ve spent the past few years consoling and reassuring my children and others.

As I’ve grown, I’ve come to accept the “end of the world” predictions as a part of life.  Media now plays an even greater role is perpetuating fear.  The more people hear something, the easier it comes for them to buy into the message; whether it is grounded in fact or not.  This bothers me.  So many people still believe the ‘news’ with great reverence.  As in the past, I wonder, how many people have become so fearful of the 12-21-12 that they took their own lives.  Extreme thinking you say....I ask you to reflect on this a moment?  We know of events around the world where ‘religious’ sects have staged and executed masse suicides based on a prediction that the world was coming to an end.  And there are far more people who makes changes or take action based on similar fears.

My message is not intended to be gloomy, thus the choice of this font; but rather to serve as a reminder.  The end of ‘our’ world as we know can happen at any second and in an assortment of ways.  We never know when or how our world will change and so...for that reason, it is important that we know who we are.  When we can live our truth; comfortable knowing who we are, it doesn’t really matter when or how the world comes to an “end”.

Today is also the Winter Solstice; the first day of winter...the shortest day of the year and where I live...our first snow of the season.  You’ve survived this season’s journey into darkness as the world ‘ends’.  Tomorrow, you will begin the path into light as the days once again grow longer.  As you embark on this new expedition do so with confidence and passion.  Let your light shine brightly for all the world to see and celebrate who you are with joy and zeal!

Embarking on a voyage with you...Carleana

Season's Greetings

In 10 days we will be on the eve of Christmas Day.  This time of year is always so magical.  I love the excitement of children who still believe in Santa Claus; of adults that still believe in the reason for the season and the essence of love and hope; if we choose to be still we can hear and feel it!

 Sometimes, things happen in our lives and muffle that inner voice.  We drowned it out with anger, resentment and hatred because things haven’t gone as we wanted.  The truth is...we always have what we really need.  The trick is recognizing it and celebrating it. 

2012, has been a HUGE year of transition for me.  Some were changes I intentionally choreographed and some...I had no control over.  Naturally the ones I had “control” over were easier to adjust to but, those I had no “control” over, I’ve just had to have faith they too were in my best interest.

A year ago today, I was feeling bitter-sweet.  I was nervous, anxious, scared and yet excited.  On December 31, 2011 I would be leaving my position with the federal government.  I had worked there for 20 years.  For the first 17 years I loved it.  The last 3 were horrible.  A new manager came in and created a toxic cess pool working environment.  Despite my attempts to work through it, with the support and encouragement from my soul mate, my best friend...my husband we created a five year plan and I left public service.

The five year plan included me registering my own business; It’s theButterfly Effect Inc which would eventually offer many services to assist people to find order in life’s chaos.  I would seek out key people I envisioned who could help me breathe life into another goal; my not-for-profit business; Artistically Speaking Out Against Bullying.  The premise or philosophy of this organization would focus on addressing the effects of all bullying for all ages in a positive manner rather than in a confrontational or conventional way.

Additionally, during that five years, I would become a certified Soul Coach™ .  I would receive my ASIST (applied suicide intervention skill training), safeTALK and reflexology certifications.  And, I would do my pilgrimage; the Camino de Santiago de Compostella.

Well....today, almost a full year has past by.  I’ve registered It’s the Butterfly Effect Inc and have started to generate awareness around my business in the Southwestern Ontario area.  I recruited several amazing people who have helped me establish and register Artistically Speaking Out Against Bullying. We completed a very successful pilot project, were nominated for an Innovation award for the work we do in the community, have been invited to some key organizations for children and youth within our city and some neighbouring communities.  I’ve become a certified Soul Coach™ , earned my ASIST and safeTALK certifications.  I’ve joined two other organizations: Elgin Suicide Prevention Coalition and Society for Quality Education.  I completed 111km of my pilgrimage, the Camino de Santiago de Compostella to receive my Compostella/certificate; and I’m just about ready for my final practical exam in order to become a certified reflexologist. AND...in the middle of all this, my soul mate, my best friend...my husband, of 23 years, left me.

I end 2012, as I ended 2011, feeling bitter-sweet.  Six months away from my 50^th b’day I find myself a single mother of three teenage daughters and no income.  And while I am very nervous, anxious and scared about what 2013 holds in store for me...I am excited.  Living our truth and living a life of purpose is not always easy when it means not following the ‘norm’ but, believing and having faith that you will always be given what you need when you needed, sure helps. 

My children have been a HUGe support and foundation for me since their father left.  They truly are brilliant and amazing young people.  Naturally my parents and my brother have been very supportive but what I’ve been very surprised by is in the depth of my friendships.  I had forgotten how powerful and wonderful, the support of true friends can be. The kind of friends who help you make the choices that are right for you because it is your best interest they are looking out for and not... sway you to share their journey. 

Every day, I try to live my life in truth; a life of purpose and knowing.  Seeing the ugly in the world around us is very easy if that’s all you wish to see.  BUT....if you choose to be quiet – listen from within to the softness and block out the harshness...the world truly is a beautiful place with so many amazing people.  Miracles are all around you if you chose to see them.  Put out a pure and true desire.  Patiently wait; and the universe will give it to...in abundance.

As you wind down 2012, and prepare for 2013....take time to look at all that is positive in your life.  Acknowledge it.  Appreciate it.  Next Friday – December 21 is a day many events are expected to happen on.  It is also the Winter Solstice; the shortest day of the year.  In the darkness listen for and celebrate your spirit and as the days come brighter and longer....let your spirit shine brightly and magnificently!

However, you celebrate the season may it be wondrous and out of harm's way.

From my heart to yours.... a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

....Carleana