Friday 21 December 2012

Another world ending ~ survived....

Phew....well this was my fourth (or fifth) “end of the world” prediction and I’ve survived. 

As I reflect on previous ‘end of the world’ memory reminds me how I felt during some of these events.  I was quite young when I remember the first ‘end of the world’ scare.  I remember feeling afraid.  I think I was about 8 then.  I remember adults talking about it.  I don’t remember the details of their conversations but I do remember the feeling of worry.   The next one I remember, I was in my mid to late teens ~ a very troubling time for me.  I remember skipping up and down the middle of the road, hoping not to be “missed” this time.  I didn’t want to be a survivor.  I didn’t care where I went; I just knew I didn’t want to be here anymore.  This time, I’ve spent the past few years consoling and reassuring my children and others.

As I’ve grown, I’ve come to accept the “end of the world” predictions as a part of life.  Media now plays an even greater role is perpetuating fear.  The more people hear something, the easier it comes for them to buy into the message; whether it is grounded in fact or not.  This bothers me.  So many people still believe the ‘news’ with great reverence.  As in the past, I wonder, how many people have become so fearful of the 12-21-12 that they took their own lives.  Extreme thinking you say....I ask you to reflect on this a moment?  We know of events around the world where ‘religious’ sects have staged and executed masse suicides based on a prediction that the world was coming to an end.  And there are far more people who makes changes or take action based on similar fears.

My message is not intended to be gloomy, thus the choice of this font; but rather to serve as a reminder.  The end of ‘our’ world as we know can happen at any second and in an assortment of ways.  We never know when or how our world will change and so...for that reason, it is important that we know who we are.  When we can live our truth; comfortable knowing who we are, it doesn’t really matter when or how the world comes to an “end”.

Today is also the Winter Solstice; the first day of winter...the shortest day of the year and where I live...our first snow of the season.  You’ve survived this season’s journey into darkness as the world ‘ends’.  Tomorrow, you will begin the path into light as the days once again grow longer.  As you embark on this new expedition do so with confidence and passion.  Let your light shine brightly for all the world to see and celebrate who you are with joy and zeal!

Embarking on a voyage with you...Carleana

Friday 14 December 2012

Season's Greetings

In 10 days we will be on the eve of Christmas Day.  This time of year is always so magical.  I love the excitement of children who still believe in Santa Claus; of adults that still believe in the reason for the season and the essence of love and hope; if we choose to be still we can hear and feel it!

 Sometimes, things happen in our lives and muffle that inner voice.  We drowned it out with anger, resentment and hatred because things haven’t gone as we wanted.  The truth is...we always have what we really need.  The trick is recognizing it and celebrating it. 

2012, has been a HUGE year of transition for me.  Some were changes I intentionally choreographed and some...I had no control over.  Naturally the ones I had “control” over were easier to adjust to but, those I had no “control” over, I’ve just had to have faith they too were in my best interest.

A year ago today, I was feeling bitter-sweet.  I was nervous, anxious, scared and yet excited.  On December 31, 2011 I would be leaving my position with the federal government.  I had worked there for 20 years.  For the first 17 years I loved it.  The last 3 were horrible.  A new manager came in and created a toxic cess pool working environment.  Despite my attempts to work through it, with the support and encouragement from my soul mate, my best husband we created a five year plan and I left public service.

The five year plan included me registering my own business; It’s theButterfly Effect Inc which would eventually offer many services to assist people to find order in life’s chaos.  I would seek out key people I envisioned who could help me breathe life into another goal; my not-for-profit business; Artistically Speaking Out Against Bullying.  The premise or philosophy of this organization would focus on addressing the effects of all bullying for all ages in a positive manner rather than in a confrontational or conventional way.

Additionally, during that five years, I would become a certified Soul Coach.  I would receive my ASIST (applied suicide intervention skill training), safeTALK and reflexology certifications.  And, I would do my pilgrimage; the Camino de Santiago de Compostella., almost a full year has past by.  I’ve registered It’s the Butterfly Effect Inc and have started to generate awareness around my business in the Southwestern Ontario area.  I recruited several amazing people who have helped me establish and register Artistically Speaking Out Against Bullying. We completed a very successful pilot project, were nominated for an Innovation award for the work we do in the community, have been invited to some key organizations for children and youth within our city and some neighbouring communities.  I’ve become a certified Soul Coach, earned my ASIST and safeTALK certifications.  I’ve joined two other organizations: Elgin Suicide Prevention Coalition and Society for Quality Education.  I completed 111km of my pilgrimage, the Camino de Santiago de Compostella to receive my Compostella/certificate; and I’m just about ready for my final practical exam in order to become a certified reflexologist. the middle of all this, my soul mate, my best husband, of 23 years, left me.

I end 2012, as I ended 2011, feeling bitter-sweet.  Six months away from my 50th b’day I find myself a single mother of three teenage daughters and no income.  And while I am very nervous, anxious and scared about what 2013 holds in store for me...I am excited.  Living our truth and living a life of purpose is not always easy when it means not following the ‘norm’ but, believing and having faith that you will always be given what you need when you needed, sure helps. 

My children have been a HUGe support and foundation for me since their father left.  They truly are brilliant and amazing young people.  Naturally my parents and my brother have been very supportive but what I’ve been very surprised by is in the depth of my friendships.  I had forgotten how powerful and wonderful, the support of true friends can be. The kind of friends who help you make the choices that are right for you because it is your best interest they are looking out for and not... sway you to share their journey. 

Every day, I try to live my life in truth; a life of purpose and knowing.  Seeing the ugly in the world around us is very easy if that’s all you wish to see.  BUT....if you choose to be quiet – listen from within to the softness and block out the harshness...the world truly is a beautiful place with so many amazing people.  Miracles are all around you if you chose to see them.  Put out a pure and true desire.  Patiently wait; and the universe will give it abundance.

As you wind down 2012, and prepare for 2013....take time to look at all that is positive in your life.  Acknowledge it.  Appreciate it.  Next Friday – December 21 is a day many events are expected to happen on.  It is also the Winter Solstice; the shortest day of the year.  In the darkness listen for and celebrate your spirit and as the days come brighter and longer....let your spirit shine brightly and magnificently!

However, you celebrate the season may it be wondrous and out of harm's way.

From my heart to yours.... a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!


Saturday 29 September 2012

A lovely Saturday night....

Good evening everyone!!!! Finally, a ‘normal’ Saturday night.  I’ve not experience one of these since mid June and I "soul" needed this.  My home is filled with an abundance of life, laughter and fun this evening; something that hasn’t been here since the first of August.  We’re between activities and so...I’ve taken this opportunity to share and be grateful.  The SQE (Society for Quality Education) today, was very nice and it was lovely spending time with my dad.  I’m looking forward to a good night sleep later this evening and maybe...just maybe, I’ll sleep in.  This may seem like a ‘simple’ entry, but I can assure is a powerful one for me.  Friday morning, I spent chatting with a dear friend.  We’ve got, what I think will be, an exciting new project coming together in the days ahead.  If it goes as anticipated...I look forward to sharing it on my blog.  As I sign off, may I leave you with this interesting tidbit...This year October has 5 Mondays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays.  It’s been send this happens once every 823 years and is referred to ‘money bags’.  Remember to celebrate the small things in life ~ they make the ‘challenges’ a little easier to accept.  With heartfelt wishes...Carleana

Sunday 23 September 2012

Quick note ~

Just a quick note as I wind down my day.   Friday turned out to be a productive day as far as finishing some of those little odd jobs.  Saturday I was part of the Spirituality Event hosted here in London.  I wish I could say it was or wasn't what I expected but the truth is, I had no idea what to expect when I agreed to go.  I must didn't enter my mind that it would be outside.  As such, I was not dressed for the day.  Cold, breezy, damp and windy - while I was in a light dress and sandals.  So... I sang my Mr Sun Song and asked the breeze energies to be calm for a few hours.  I am excited to say...for the next few hours...while it was still cool and damp...the Sun did her best to warm us while the breeze became a welcoming complement to the sun's warmth.  As the breeze built and the sun took a rest, many of us decided it was time to pack up.  We gave thanks to the elements and the opportunities as we headed home for hot baths and warm drinks.  Today was an emotional roller coaster ride for me again and sadly my heart ache distressed my children.  I am so lucky to have such warm, compassionate and WISE children.  I must remember to tell them how much I love them and how important they are to me especially during this transition.  To all of you who have children in your life....please remember to thank these children.  You might be amazed just how much they carry for you to make your day a little easier.  To all the children in the world, carrying burdens a child shouldn't have to ~ with all my heart I thank you!  May you be blessed with the strength you need to become free of the heaviness you've taken on so you can explore the beauty in life AND play as children should be allowed too.  With all my love; hugs and kisses.... Carleana

Thursday 20 September 2012

Where does the time go?

Not unlike most of you, I start off with good intentions as I begin something new or return to complete an unfinished project when suddenly.... I find I’ve again become distracted and pulled away from what I was doing. 

Before I know it days, weeks or months have passed and my well intended effort is still cluttering an area of my home, or I’ve not spoken to that friend I cherish or my project is still incomplete or; and the list continues.  Sometimes it is then that I become frustrated with myself which only adds to my feeling of self annoyance.  Why can’t I stay focused?  Can’t I finish anything? What was it that distracted me in the first place? 

Maybe it was a knock on the door, a phone call; an urgent situation....any number of things may have become my new focus.  Some distractions are such that I can attend to them and get back to the task at hand, but sometimes they require me to give them my full attention and that’s when it happens – time passes.

Soon I forget what I was doing and other things come and go in my life until...I realize I’ve left “stuff” out in a room or I’m missing that person I was on my way to visit or I go to put on those pants I started to hem.  Then the words always do your best come to mind.  It is important to not feel bad for taking the time I did because, if I didn’t “need” to address that issue at the time, the truth is I likely wouldn’t have.  Acknowledging that, and accepting it allows me to move forward without guilt so that I can get back to that project and/or my new intention(s)...with the same enthusiasm and excitement I originally had. 

That is where I’m at right now.  Perhaps in a future blog I’ll share what’s been happening in my life that has pulled away from my blogging and my intention to start a new Soul Journey but for now...these matters, that distracted me, are becoming less of a distraction.  From that situation, there are items that still need my attention.  A recent scare has gifted me with clarity, reminding me to allow myself to feel pleasure and celebrate the things that bring me peace and balance in my life.  I’m starting to re-establish a routine that inspirers me to do what I enjoy.  Thank you so much for sticking with me through this journey. 

And hey....I’m so excited to see that I’ve had over 1000 hits on my blog.  Once things are better settled in my little world, and I’m back to blogging routinely, I’m hoping those of you who do visit often will become “followers”. 

Please feel free to share my blog with those you think will enjoy it and/or find value in reading it.  I always enjoy hearing from you too.  Leave a comment or send me an email at

Blessings of abundance to you and those you cherish.
Celebrating life and all it has to offer....
Love, Carleana

Wednesday 29 August 2012

The Joys of Life????? I had these wonderful plans to share an introduction to the 28 day soul journey program with you and have you join me on my Radiant Health journey.  Life apparently had its own plan and my plans needed to be amended.  BUT...that's ok!  My biggest challenge was accessing the internet.  For whatever reasons, I couldn't open Explorer.  After using all my 'friend' supports I finally decided I would utilize the Geek Squad, which I pay monthly for.  Hmmmm interesting thought huh, use a service I pay for..... : D  After days of no internet....only two hours later not only did I have my internet back, but I also had a virus and diagnostic  scan done.  My computer is as good as new again.  Thank you Daniel M of Best Buys' Geek Squad Ultimate Protection Service ~ online.

Additionally, a few personal issues have been more firmly addressed allowing me to get back on focus with my 'plans'.  That is the wonderful thing about Soul Journeys (and Soul Coachingr)  You learn how to deal with the unexpected changes that happen and not allow them to bring you too far down.  Unexpected changes are similar to tripping.  You're walking along the sidewalk - POW - suddenly you find your balance is off or your sitting on the sidewalk.  Tripping wasn't your plan; getting from point A to point B was the plan.

When your stride is broke, you take the time you need to recover and get back into your groove.  Maybe you can't continue along your original path and that's ok.  Maybe that destination wasn't the one meant for you; or maybe it's not the right path and...that's ok too.  What isn't ok is just stopping and giving up.  Take this 'trip' time and look at it as a gift.  Look at where you are.  Where were you?  Where were you planning to go?  How were you going to get there?  Do you continue?  Do you take another path heading for the same destination?  Maybe you take another path that presents another choice you wouldn't have other wise seen?

The point is....don't let life's trip ups take you down for the count.  Accept them as a reminder to take the time to check in with yourself and simply be present in the moment. Celebrate that gift and then...take that next step.

Tonight I will welcome the stillness with grace and appreciation so tomorrow I can enjoy and celebrate life's vibration so I can get back into my groove.

What blessings will you celebrate today?

As always...Carleana

Monday 20 August 2012

Radiant Health and Glorious Vitality

Unlock the Secret Messages of Your Body?!

How exciting and alluring does this sound?  Have you ever wondered what your body might want to share with you?  I’m guessing the messages are far more gracious than we might initially think.  The program I’m going to introduce you to, is one of the Soul Journey Programs I offer.  It can be completed comfortably within a group setting or privately, if you’d prefer.

This program is called 28 Day Jump Start Program for Radiant Health and Glorious Vitality.  I’ve decided to take this journey, myself, for a many reasons.  The main reason, however, to help me deal with some stresses I’m personally experiencing in a different way. 

Sometimes changes in our lives are those we made by choice and other are those that life simply shares with us (because the universe loves to share).  Sometimes these changes bring us joy and sometimes....well sometimes they’re not quite so joyous.  Personally, I know no matter what happens, what is meant to happen will happen and I can’t change that, but....I can change how I feel about the affects of these changes.

The philosophy of this healing journey is based on ancient teachings, practices and beliefs.  There is a lot of history and negative programming lodged in the cells of our bodies. By learning how to listen to our own body rather than just thinking about it, we learn how to unweave hidden blockages.  Removing these blockages initiates our natural life force energy as well as our body’s spiritual radiance.  For some this ideal is as natural as breathing and for others, it’s a new area of interest for them.  For some, this very foreign and may or may not be of any interest at all.  That is totally cool.  But for those of you journeying with me, I am assuming you have some interest. 

If I were doing this 28 day program with a group we would meet once per week for six consecutive weeks.  Our first meeting would be an overview of the program as a whole and look at what the first “Air” week involves.  The second week, what “Water” week involves.  The third, what “Fire” week involves.  The fourth week, what “Earth” week involves.  The fifth week, we’d look at our “Quests”; and finally the last week we’d come together to reflect and celebrate.  At each of these weekly meetings there would be an activity and time to share for those who wish too.  These group programs are truly fun and exciting.

Because I’m doing my journey alone, I will blog about what I’m doing and what I notice.  Everyone’s journey is unique.  While I could give you a lengthy explanation as to why, the simple truth is....because each of us is unique.  The wonderful thing about this program to is the more you put into it the more you get out of it BUT....even by putting in a will get a lot back.  If you miss a day, you don’t feel guilty and try to catch up either.  You just go on to the next day. 

This week, each day, I will take time to explain a little more about what a Soul Journey Program is.  Once I have done this, I will begin my own journey and share it with you.  The first thing I like to know when I start something is: “How much of my time, each day, do I need to commit?”

In each Soul Journey Program, there are three levels.  Level 1 is “Committed to change” and usually takes 5 to 15 minutes per day.  Level 2 is “Going for it” and includes level 1 and level 2.  It usually takes 10-30 minutes per day.  Level 3 is “Playing full Out”.  This level includes all the exercises from levels 1, 2 & 3 and takes as long it takes to complete.  This level can take anywhere from a half an hour to several hours depending on the exercises.  The great thing about this program is....if you’re short on time one day, you may complete only level 1.  Another day you may have a lot of time and choose to complete all three levels.  Another day, you may not be able to do any.  While that is not ideal....don’t worry.  Get back on track the next day with the next activity.  The thing with a soul keeps going.  This program is a gift you give yourself and will transform your life forever.  It is the flexibility of this program and the forgiveness that makes a Soul Journey Program so easy, exciting and truly worth celebrating along the way. 

Tomorrow is a crazy busy day for me, but it is my intention to share with you, some of the exercises you might do at each of these levels within each of the four weeks.

As I close, remember to notice and celebrate the little things that grace you each and every day.  Blessings... Carleana

Sunday 19 August 2012

The Four Agreements....

Greetings everyone....

For several days I’ve felt the need to share with you The Four Agreements.  For those of you not familiar with this book, it was written by Don Miguel Ruiz.  This is a book I’ve reflected on many times over several years.  It is also one of a few books I will purchase used and “loan” out to people who ask me how I had the courage to live my truth. 
One thing you need to understand about me is....I truly do follow my heart and the energies I feel.  Often books I purchase because I felt ‘drawn’ to them, are the books that impact my life the most profoundly.  The Four Agreements is one such book.
The book is based on the Toltec wisdom.  Toltec wisdom comes from the Toltec’s (a society of artists and spiritual seekers) of Ancient Mexico and their experiences as they explored their external and internal universes.  By doing so, they learned a great deal about the nature of the human mind and how it dreams “reality”.  These “realities” are often then based on “truths” we’ve been taught since birth.  These “truths” then become the foundation upon which we make life choices.  The choices we make ultimately impact how we live both as individuals and as a society as a whole.  Because this interests me a lot, I found the book very intriguing and another stepping stone for my own personal journey.  I know not everyone shares my seeking zest at the same level.  I completely respect and honour that.  Yet at some level you’re interested and you’re exploring; which is brilliant!!!!
The book does go deep into a philosophy and belief, but if that is not what interests can still find value in each of the agreements in their simplest forms.  For many, people live a life based on “really” that is not theirs; whether it’s a religious belief, a career choice, or value structure.  Most often, these “realities” where not ‘forced’ on us with the intent to hurt us but handed down for generations based on ideals of the time.  For some these works and for others they don’t and so....we seek answers along our life journey that touches our heart and resonates in our soul as our own truth.
While we are ‘here’ we need to balance the law of our hearts/souls with the law of the land. Many of us seek to find a belief or wisdom that inspires us to rediscover our own value, centeredness, happiness and life purpose.  With this in mind, I would like to share The Four Agreements with you.  The idea behind learning these agreements is to decide if they make sense to you.  Do I believe they would bring value into my life?  Will these help me become more centered both in my internal and external universe?  If I were to accept these agreements and implement them in my life, would they bring me closer to my happiness?  Will they empower me to live my life purpose?

I will start by directly quoting the book; then follow with my thoughts.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:

The first agreement is “Be Impeccable with Your Word – Speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.  Use the power of your word to the direction of truth and love.”  In short for me this means – say what you mean/mean what you say.  This doesn’t only mean when I’m speaking with others but also the words I use when I’m thinking and/or writing.  So, even if I’m frustrated or angry with myself, someone else or a situation, instead of using words like “I look fat in that dress” or “he is such a jerk for doing that” or “that really p’d me off”; I try to use words like, “That’s not a style I’m comfortable with”, “That wasn’t a kind thing for him to do” and “Ok that was a learning experience”.  In changing the words, it doesn’t mean I wasn’t hurt but I’ve changed the intent.  I’ve tried to remove the pain associated with those statements.  By saying I’m not ‘comfortable’ I remove the judgement about weight; or by acknowledging the behaviour may not have been kind it removes my judgement about ‘him’ and finally by looking at the experience as a ‘learning’ one rather than one that p’d me off, I allow myself to move forward rather than holding on to a feeling that pain it brings me.

The second agreement is “Don’t take Anything Personally – Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say or do is a projection of their own reality, their own dreams.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be a victim of needless suffering.”  What a hard agreement to reflect on?!  For most of our whole lives we’ve been taught our actions impact others.  The truth is...they do.  But how many times have you been frustrated about something that happen at work or school and took it out on a loved one at home.  The loved one automatically thinks it’s something they did, when the release is on them because of something that happened to you earlier in the day.  For example, you’re partner is at work and all day long people are demanding things of them. “Hey, did you....” “Oh and don’t forget.....” or “When will you....” Questions, questions, questions... for eight hours and from all directions questions are flying at them.  They walk through the door.  In your eagerness to welcome them home you ask “How was yo....” and before the sentence is finished they are all over you with, “Leave me alone – stop asking me so many questions....”  Normally, we would take that personally and maybe even bark back, but....if we applied the ‘Don’t take anything personally’ because what others do or say is more about them than us....we would not suffer needlessly.  We would understand they likely had a crappy day and they just need some time.

The third agreement is “Don’t make Assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstanding, sadness and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can transform your life.” true.  Here’s a very simple example.  It’s Sunday morning and you know Monday is garbage day.  You ask your partner to take out the garbage and they respond with ‘Sure hon, later’.  Monday afternoon you notice the curb is littered with everyone’s garbage cans, but there is none out front of your house.  First you might ‘assume’ someone has brought them in but quickly you learn the garbage was not taken out at all.  Now you ‘assume’ your partner didn’t take it out to bug you or they forgot.  You’re upset and ready to pounce on your partner the moment you see them, because – you could have taken it out but they assured you they would do it.  While you’re expressing your frustration for them letting you down they try to apologize and explain they thought garbage day was Tuesday.  You ‘assumed’ they knew it was Monday and they ‘assumed’ you knew it was Tuesday.  Who was right or wrong really isn’t the issue.  The issue is the garbage didn’t get taken out based on assumptions.  Had you clearly expressed the facts as you asked the question in the following manner, “Garbage day is tomorrow, will you take out the garbage tonight?” your partner could have still responded the same; with a better chance of getting the garbage out when it needed to be or they could have said ‘no’.

The fourth agreement is “Always do YOUR Best – Your best is going to change moment to moment; it will be different when you’re healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgement and regret.”  WOW!!!!  How often do we beat ourselves up with should of, could of, would of? As soon as you take any action you have that much more knowledge then you did the second before.  You can’t fore see the future with 100% certainty.  If you could, I’m guessing you’d be the riche$t person in the world.  So stop the self abuse.  You need to believe you did your best with what you had at the time you made your decision.  Angela Lansbury wrote “Hind sight is 20/20 and good for nothing.”  When you need to make a decision, all you have is the information you have up to that moment; nothing more – nothing less.  As soon as you realize this and assure yourself this is the ‘best’ I can do right now....accept is as fact; truth.  Find comfort in this knowing and let it be; no matter what the outcome is.  If you’re faced with that situation again in the’ll have this experience to reflect on then but in the meantime.... you did your best; no regrets.

As I said earlier; several years ago, I read this book.  And while I believed in these agreements, it was hard for me to implement them into my life.  The main reason is because they seemed to feel prickly and against the ‘norm’ of the realities I was taught as a child growing up.  I found myself, often, going back to the book until I came to realize I had made the changes in my daily living.  Do I sometimes fall into the ‘old’ me?  Nowhere near as often as I did.  I find it very uncomfortable to be there but sure I do.  But then I remember #4 – Always do your best and your best is going to change.  When I remember I’m doing my best....I stop the self abuse; regret and I celebrate the knowing that I always do my best to be impeccable with my word; I always do my best to not to take things personally and I always do my best to not make assumptions.
Tomorrow, I will be beginning a new journey which I will share with you.  As always, I welcome your insight.
May you always live and celebrate your best self.

Sunday 12 August 2012

Our deepest fear.....Who am I to be brilliant....

This morning, I enjoyed a waffle breakfast at Williams. As I looked around me at the people inside who were also nourishing their bodies with a tempting morsel or refreshing beverage and outside as the people seemed to be hurrying by in their vehicles I wondered....  How many of these people are with someone they love?  How many are alone?  How many are contemplating some life changing decision?  How many are looking forward; looking back? How many are present? 

Do any of these people realize what a treasure they are?  Do they know they are important to someone somewhere?  Do they cherish themselves for no other reason than because they are a gift...a gift to you, to me, to themselves?  When you walk down the street and your eyes meet another do you acknowledge that encounter?  How many times do we quickly turn our eyes away?  How many times do we seize that moment and maybe exchange a smile or a nod?  In a world saturated with technology and high energy it is really is important for us to stop for a moment and be present. 

Being present doesn’t have to be a daunting exercise but it is important that we each do it each day, even if for only 10 seconds.  To just stop and check in with yourself is vital to your psyche – to your soul.  It’s a time to make sure you’re being true to yourself.  Am I where I feel valued?    Am I where I feel love?  Am I where I feel a live? Am I where I’m giving as much as I’m taking?  By doing this ‘small’ exercise each and every day....we are less likely to find ourselves, several years later s, feeling lost or unimportant; then believing we are trapped or a state of hopelessness.  Checking in with our self is the greatest gift we can give our self.

On a journey to ‘self’ rediscovery we often use terms that refer to “me” and “I”.  And while for some that may be interpreted as the solo individual (all about only me), the truth is each of us – as “me” – is a child to someone and that can’t be ignored in one’s view of self.  As an individual you may be a sibling, a spouse, parent, friend, mentor....that too is part of what makes you - YOU.  It is impossible to ignore all the parts of yourself when you’re trying to find yourself.  It would be like trying to ignore the value or purpose of the aorta when trying to heal the heart.  The heart has many parts, vena cava, right atrium, left atrium, right and left ventricles as well as the aorta.  While they are ‘separate’ they are very much part of the whole.  To ignore or not care for one part of the heart in favour of looking after only a single part, will not only impact the other areas of the heart, but it would also put the heart as a whole at risk.  One part is no more or less important than the other.  The value of the heart is at its highest only when it is whole and functioning at it best. 

But.....most of us are afraid.  When the questions come at us flying like bullets in some crazy 3D gangster movie, we become lost and confused.  Naturally the questions we ask of and to ourselves are not positive in nature.  We look in terms of either/or; and make statements liked “What do I have to give up?” or “This is ‘my life’ not yours”.   The questions we ask ourselves are polluted with self doubt, worthlessness, not measuring up, critical of our value, the value of others in our lives and what is my worth not only in the lives of others but in our own life. We disbelieve anything positive anyone says to us after all if “I don’t value me, why would they”?  That self destructive cycle, for whatever reason, seems to be so easy to start and maintain, then one that builds us up. 

A person can look in the mirror and find hundreds of faults about themselves but if that same person were asked to look in that same mirror and find 10 things they liked about themselves; they’d be very uncomfortable.  They would struggle.  Some would laugh; others cry and some would become angry – if they even stayed long enough to look at that amazing and brilliant person looking back at them.  Why is that?  The things we think or say to our own image...we’d never say to another person who stood before us and ask “what do I have to offer” or who said “there is nothing good about me”.

Years ago I watched the movie “Akeelah and the Bee”.  In the movie a man (Dr Joshua Laraby) sees a gift in a young girl (Akeelah Anderson) trying to make the school’s spelling bee team, but who is afraid to believe in herself.  Why is she afraid? Because by being her true and authentic self she will step out of the role others have put her in.  Without realizing it, those in ‘charge’ of her have captured Akeelah and limited her potential and worse she has come to believe those limitations rather than the possibilities that await her.  At one point Akeelah wants to give up but Joshua asks her to read a quote he has mounted on his wall.  “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”  The discussion they have from that quote is empowering and an amazing journey begins.

I was so moved and intrigued by this part of the movie that I vowed to Googled it.  I found the quote.  It is the first two lines of composition I’ve come to cherish.  Not only have I adopted as part of my personal foundation, but I have also woven it’s essence into everything I do.  

Here is it for you to read:

Who am I to be brilliant!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.'

We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?”

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Marianne Williams

Where ever you are on your life journey, regardless of your religious beliefs; may these words inspire you as much as they have inspired and transformed me.  May you find hope, courage and strength to not only be your authentic self but also your BRILLIANT self!  

Believing in me, living my dream and hopefully inspiring you to do the same... Carleana

“You can’t believe in a dream, until you can believe in yourself!”

Quick message....

Thank you!!!! 
I've received several emails from people asking how things are going since I returned and if I will be maintaining my blog.  While it was my intention to try and post something weekly, I was surprised with the number of encouraging comments and so....I will try to post something every day.
I understand posting a comment has been difficult.  If I can figure out how to do it, I will let you know.  Other wise, you welcome to email at
Trusting your weekend, with or without the rain, was a time of relaxation and celebration.
Blessings.... Carleana

ps....I'm just about organized with my Spain photos.  I will definitely let you know when and where they are to view.  Ciao ~C

Tuesday 7 August 2012

A week later....

Not sure why, but today CHOICE(s) seems to be my word.

As of today, I have been home for a week. maybe as of late tonight it's been a week. Today is also my very best friend's (who also happens to be my husband) birthday. Happy Birthday Bubba!!!!!!

I’m usually really good at keeping myself mentally, emotionally and spiritually balanced.  I try to not expect more or less from others than I am prepared to give myself.  My philosophy in life is...If you’re not experiencing soulful happiness you must look within yourself in order to find YOUR answers.  It sounds easy enough but the truth is, telling ourselves the truth is not as easy as telling someone else the truth.  The other fact is, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  In the life of people, that means – any decision a person WILL effect at least one another person; including the act of taking to action at all.

June 18 I left for San Luis Obispo California where I studied for the better part of two weeks in order to complete and attain my Soul Coachingr accreditation.  As I prepared for that trip I was terrified about what the future held for me.  After all, I’m not only a woman I’m also a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. and in many cases a mentor.  Over the past few months I had made so many choices, in order to embark on a quest that has so many unknowns; but that felt soulfully right in many ways.

For as long as I can remember people have sought me out when they were looking for answers to whatever questions they had as they were dealing with one issue or another.  I have always been in awe of the possibilities and wonderment of children and youth.  So I hurt when I see so many young people making choices that are self destructive and ultimately life ending.  I don’t believe I ‘give’ answers, but rather I help others find the answer within them self.  When they “get it”, it is truly a magical moment!  It’s like watching a child beam when they conquer some milestone.  They just seem to illuminate.  As adults we seem to lose that over the years but when it is truly very exciting!

My Camino was booked before my Soul Coachingr accreditation course - there are no coincidences in life and the timing couldn’t have worked out any better.  Just because I said ‘better’ doesn’t mean I meant ‘easy’ or wonderful.  I knew things would be changing in my life and I also knew challenges would be waiting for me when I finally returned home.  After all, I had formed my own business "It's the Butterfly Effect Inc ~ Helping you find order in life's chaos" and a non-profit organization "Artistically Speaking Out Against Bullying Inc".  They say nothing worth having comes easy.  And almost every day on the Camino I saw the saying “No pain. No glory.” (with the image of two feet batterd with blisters) And how many of you have heard ‘no pain – no gain’.  I’ve never liked those messages.  I don’t believe one must feel pain in order to appreciate things or the people in their lives; nor do I want to. 

Life is about choices and sometimes those choices are very hard for us to make.  In fact, most of us will decide to choose NOT to make a choice at all, in order to avoid the discomfort of making a choice or dealing with the outcome of our choice ~ but choosing not to make a choice is still a choice.  Sooner or later, the issue you chose to ignore rears it’s self again.  We have to face our fears or we can become a prisoner in our own lives.  If you continue to choose not to make a choice, out of fear, the choice WILL be made for you.  And that....ultimately was YOUR choice.  Maybe, for you, the outcome is favourable and maybe it’s not.  If it was favourable...great; but what if it isn’t then what? 

I remember hearing a man (Dr Phil – and I’m not really that much of a fan of him) say “You thought you made the right choice; now make the choice right.”  In that situation a person made a choice to take an action that impacted many people.  Then, that person decided they simply didn’t want to do that anymore – which would then greatly impact those same people once again.  I could share more of what Phil said, or even impart my thoughts/opinions but the reality is some choices are more easily made than others.  When we’re faced with those tougher choices, it’s very important to be sure you’re being honest with yourself.   Each choice has a natural consequence.  Sometimes the consequence or consequences cannot be foreseen nor can the action of the choice be taken back. 

Never would I support choosing to remain in a situation that you would consider is harmful for you, but before you make a choice you must be completely honest with yourself.  A wise woman I knew use to say "Once said, ten times regretted."  The same principle would apply any action one takes.  So before you make a choice you may want to ask yourself questions such as:  Am I willing to own my role and take responsibility for my actions?  What role did I play in creating this situation?  What would I like to see different?   Do I really want to change things; if so how?  What can I do differently?  What am I willing to do differently?  If I make this choice want are potential outcomes?

Remember...this is YOUR choice so are the actions you take.  The decisions you make must be based on what you’re willing to do and/or capable of.  They cannot be based on what another may or may not do or promise to do.  Regardless of the outcome, the choice(s) was yours and you must be prepared to own it without passing blame on someone else. 

If you’re choice is going to directly impact another, or others, you may wish to talk to the party(ies).  They maybe feeling similar and the options you consider together could be more than just those you first thought about.  Sometimes, talking also helps clarify misunderstandings as well as resolve a conflict.  At very least it could help and/ may be even eliminate making a "choice" without all or more of the facts.

Sometimes our choices are as simple as which foot to move first.  Other times, our choice could be as complex as whether to literally live or die.  Whatever choice you’re faced with, be sure you take the time to be honest with yourself before you making your choice.

Wishing you clarity no matter where you are in your life, so you are open to receive life’s abundances with joy and confidence.

As always, many blessings, Carleana

Sunday 5 August 2012

Day 16 ~ Returning Home

It took quite a while to get to sleep last night even though we were packed and ready to go. While I didn't feel like any great change happen I knew within my heart things would be different for me; after all that's why I was doing this.
I'll share more another time but in short, work had become a literal a life sucking source. With the support of my family I was able to leave that work place in order to focus on my passion work. My children are amazing and growing more independent each day, as a parent would hope. And now....after almost 25 years of marriage my hubby and I can start to reconnect with each other again as we begin the next stage of our life. I've been away, pretty much, since June 18 solidifying and achieve skills to bring into my new career; and now I am finally going home! Maybe that is why falling asleep was so hard. What lies ahead?
6:45am came quite early. This was my second night with very little sleep and my tummy is feeling it. Still I push myself out of bed and head to the bathroom (W/C water closet as they refer to it here). Throwing up is never nice but there's something about doing it in a public place that makes it even worse. "Pull yourself together" I say, in an effort to encourage myself to feel better. As I clean myself up I turned on the shower and stand there as if I'm contemplating some grand next step. Yep...stepping into the shower. Which foot first? How high must I lift my leg to ensure I actually step in and not fall in? Slowly but surely I feel my blood starting to pump and my body begins to waken. And I enter the shower. Warm water messages my skin and scalp; almost tickling it as if to say wake up - great things are about to happen.
The shower does feels nice, but now I'm alert enough to know I have to keep moving. I'm already running behind my schedule. I finish up my bathroom routine and step out into the bedroom area. A gentle nudge to wake Elena and our morning has officially begun. Once cleaned and dressed, we go down for breakfast. We reflect over the past 18 days together. We recognize how we are very different and yet cherish the special friendship we share. We acknowledge this pilgrimage is the introductory section to what lies ahead as we return to the next phase in our lives. For our own reasons; in their own ways, Elena's and my life - together and apart - will never be the same. Again, it's what lies ahead that is both exciting and terrifying.
Back to our room, we go. We collect our belongings. Embraced in a hug of pure friendship, we share one last brief moment as this journey ends. We open the door to our hotel room, cross the threshold and confirm we've got everything. The door closes. In silence we wait for the elevator (lift) and then we're lowered to the main floor. We exit the elevator and walk to the reception counter where the silence is broken. We check out. Our ride to the airport is on its way, so we chat and watch the others as they come and go. Our ride arrives.
WOW!!!!! What a handsome ride he is. Emilo!!!!! Our bags are loaded into the trunk. I take the back seat (Spanish driving makes me VERY nervous) while Elena slides in beside the Emiiiiloooooo!!!! I just sat in the back enjoying the..... Well, he has a tattoo. These always intrigue me. Tats mean things to people and in those meanings you can learn a TON about a person. So.... I ask Elena to ask Emilo about his tat.... I won't bore you with all the details but.... on a trip to Australia he saw and learned about Tiki's. Being touched by what he learned he took a picture of a Tiki that he connected with and altered it to make it more personal for him. Then.....he made the decision to have that imagine permanently embodied on his upper arm. Three trips, 500e, and a lot of pain later his passion was an everlasting reminder on his arm. But hey, our hot tatted taxi driver was a little more 'normal' than the drivers we had had. He wasn't a speed demon taking out flocks of birds or threatening to take out anything else that moved either. He was aware and cautious of other drivers even giving the right away to those who were entitled to it BUT....for those 'Spanish' drivers I had come to know...he let them know they were in the wrong - when they were. This was the second ride I felt comfortable in. [The first was the lady who picked us up the day we arrived] Destination reached.
At the airport we waited and waited AND waited for the check in counter to open. Our time waiting wasn't a lost though. We learned how we could bring our walking sticks home. Elena had them wrapped and tagged while we waited. I think the cost was about 20e. It was then I read the email telling me my sister-in-law, Brenda, had passed away. The reality of life after the Camino was returning. Brenda's passing was expected. After many health battles, this soldier finally laid down her artillery in exchange for peace and comfort. Still for those of us she leaves behind.... there will remain a void. In a solemn mood I continued to wait for the gates to open. The noises around me seem to be echoes from a far off tunnel and around me people moving are blurs as I'm lost in my own thoughts.
The gates open and the line is moving. Finally we are up checking in our bags. AND....we get a new guy. Great. He's new. We're flying Air Canada and he doesn't speak English. I'm not feeling well physically or emotionally and I am DEAD TIRED!!!!! Still.....these are my issues, not his. I am still in Spain and I'm heading home so....I (or try to) maintain composer. Then I get hit with the first of many inconveniences headed my way thoughout the day. For 4kg over my allotted baggage weight I have to pay 75 (fricken) Euros. I could have repacked those 4 kgs as a carry on for nothing BUT that would have meant going to the end of the line and by this time our flight is 90 minutes before departure....which means boarding is in about 30 AND I had just stood in line for almost 50. I was not happy. I wanted to tear out his eyeballs. BUT.... I smiled and said...."Well it's not like I have a choice to pay or not now is it?" I handed over my credit card. And it was another 35e to have our sticks checked on as well. 110e grrrrrrrrrr. But done is done and off we go....
We grab a light bite, take in a couple last minutes shopping spots then visit the water closets for the last time as we head over to the gate. Boarding was uneventful and soon we found ourselves settling into our seats. The flight departure time is 12:40 Spain time and our ETA is 3:15 home time which means our flight is about 8.5 hrs. Especially for longer flights I try to scope out the other passengers for many reasons but mostly so I can get a feel for the energy on the flight. I knew we had some older people on this flight, a couple young children and the rest was a nice mix of everything in between. AND....a dog?!
Water and I have a love hate relationship; and I am afraid to fly over the water. After a flight over the Colorado’s mountains - turbulence equally terrifies me. For those of you who may not know this about me...I've flown planes in my younger days and while I'm sure things have changed.....the fact is, flying planes CANNOT simply pull over and wait for an emergency sdervice vehicle or let someone out. From take off to arrival you are on this plane. (well usually) I think we can all agree to this, right?!
With all this in mind, I mentally prepare myself for this long ride that will not be very comfortable. For most of the flight I will be over water and there is likely to be turbulence and so I surrender myself this. What I reminded of very quickly is Elena's need for space and a child's need to SCREEM. I put in my head phones and start watching a movie. Soon we are served a 'meal'.
Now, because we are flying back in time....our whole flight is in daylight even though, it's sort of 'evening' for us. Once the meal trays are picked up the airplane is dimmed. Many close their shades but, I'm nervous and choose not to. I fall asleep watching a second movie and waken to my shade closed. And so I open it. Now this mom, whose child has been screaming for 80% of the flight, asks me to shut it again because it's upsetting her child.
For the past four hours, I did not see this mother do anything to make the flight 'bearable' for this two year old toys, books, anything nor did I see this mom even take the child out of its seat and hold him or walk him around the plane and my blind being open is 'bothering' him????? I've heard the flight attendant tell Elena that the guy in front of her could recline his seat back as much as he cared to because he has the right to do that. We had to listen to this child scream for 80% of almost half way flight. I am terrified flying over the water. And so I thought...I too have rights and deserve to be comfortable on this flight just like everyone else does ----- in spite of that screaming child.
I pulled the blind down almost all the way but not fully - a compromise I thought. Later when I returned from the bathroom it was completely closed. Somewhat ticked, I thought well, I wasn't at my seat so no problem. Now this family was in the centre section, the row behind us. While we were in our seats, the brightness would be obvious - especially since the inside of the plane was almost completely dark but there had to be some blockage for the 'direct' brightness. Plus each of taking this flight had paid to be there, had the same rights to be comfortable and there were no rules telling us we MUST keep our window shades down.
My shade had been closed while I was away from my seat. The kid was still screaming and when got sat down, I opened my shade only enough so I could comfortably see out - about 2 or 3 inches, when the flight attended asked me to close it because it was bothering the child. I smiled at her and said as kindly as I could. "I'm sorry but, I'm terrified flying and having the ability to see where I am offers me some comfort so I don't panic. That's why I request a window seat. And, this child has been screaming for most the whole flight. I believe I have rights too?" By the look on her face, I knew she knew what I was saying. Could I have closed my blind...maybe, but I am nervous flying and being able to see where I am does comfort me. Had that mom, removed her son from the car seat and snuggled him. I am sure he would have fallen asleep. Would that have been uncomfortable for her - perhaps is HER son, not mine.
Soon we're over Newfoundland. I know we're close to being home (about 2hrs) and then.... the pilot comes over the sound system. There are severe storms in Toronto and we've been placed in a holding pattern. This could be an hour. At first people were ok with this. Until a few minutes later the pilot comes back on and shares while technology is good, Mother Nature still rules (go MN) and the airport has been closed so they're trying to reroute our flight. More info to come. Of course these messages are then restated in French and Spanish and I guess the message is not quite the same. Now people are getting ticked. As I scope the plane's passengers, I notice that mother holding her sleeping baby. While I listen to the passengers I'm thinking....chill out. At least the pilot hasn't said we're out of gas or an engine has failed or anything like that....I'm sure it all under control, they just need to work out the details AND the baby is no longer screaming so....SHUT UP!!!!!
Now the dog starts to bark. I had forgotten about the dog. We are just reaching the time, we should have been landing. The baby is finally sleeping. The dog lets its presences known every now and then. People are getting antsy.....and there is no final decision announced. Still, I don't see anyone who looks like they’re about to flip - this is good. The pilot's voice returns to the cabin to advise we will be landing in Montreal and every attempt will be made to find out what the situation is in Toronto and for those connecting to other flights and to see if those connecting to Toronto flights to Montreal...maybe they can get off while we're in Montreal.'d have thought these passengers were be given some great win fall with the possibility that they may be able to get out here. The pilot’s request was denied and all passengers will remain on the plain. We’re told we’ll be here for about 90 minutes.
The plain is refueled. We’re given additional snacks and then....about 40 minutes later we’re given the ok to head to Toronto. Everyone returns to their seats and we wait for our turn to take off. We learn the Toronto airport was closed – CLOSED for two hours during the storm. To me that means....many flights and hundreds of passengers as well as staff from all aspects of the flight world have had to have their plans changed. Understanding and compromise MUST be the behaviours practised in order for everyone to get through this will some sort of calmness. As well, those waiting to pick passengers up....they too have been sitting in the airports waiting and likely know even less what’s been going on so....they will be anxious as well.
Finally we arrive in Toronto but...there is no gate for us to taxi into. We’ll need to wait two hours at least. We’re advised all connecting flights have been missed or cancelled. The dog is barking. The child is crying....but we are on the ground in Toronto! Just as the flight crew was about to serve another snack (how many pretzels can one eat) the pilot has announced “Please return to your seats immediately. We’ve been allowed to jump the queue. A gate has been made available for us but we need to take it or we’ll lose it.” People scurry back to their seats as the plane begins to move. A melody of clicking seat belts fills the now silence. At 8:30pm we are exiting the plane....finally!
Our 8.5 flight has turned into almost 12hr duration. Exhausted, frustrated, hungry, confused and some even worried – people head through customs then to baggage claim. Finally space to walk; air to breathe and even a few bathrooms to freshen up in.
Shortly after getting my luggage I am standing beside the best friend I have in the whole world. I’m so glad to be with my hubby again. Behind us, Elena walks Cam. Each of us talking to the other and....we agree to stop and get a bite before returning home to our children. All seems right with the world again....
It’s after 11:00pm and I’m finally in my home. My eldest is at a friend’s cottage so, for me, my family isn’t whole yet. Hopefully, I’ll finally get a good night sleep. I’ll take a down day and then, return to compose a post home blog message.
Apparently, posting a comment was more complex than I thought; and I apologize for that. For those of you that would like to send me a comment but don’t have my email address, you may send them to me at
Thank you for your continued support; for your kind words and your willingness to journey with me.
Wishing you an abundance of blessings each and every day.... Hugs, Carleana